I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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