chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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