I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
