Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
