They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
