I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
