I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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