All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i think my cat just said my name.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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