I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
