Porn is love you can see.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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