Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
