It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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