Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
