You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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