I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
