she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize