don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
