Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

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(917): View more from New York City

i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

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(302): View more from Delaware

I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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(217): View more from Illinois

just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy

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(513): View more from Ohio

Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most

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