I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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