sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
