I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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