Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize