I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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