I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
