my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
