hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
