there's paper in my vomit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
