i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
