hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
