This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize