Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
