I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize