I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
