He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
