so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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