So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
