Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
