the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
