i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
