i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize