i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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