it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
