How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
