i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
