standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize