he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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