i can't believe i had my finger in that
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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