I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
