2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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