Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
