I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
