I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
