The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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