Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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