Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize