That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
