She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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