giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
