Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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