eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
