I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
