dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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