Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
