ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
