I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
