You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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