My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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