She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
