I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's just like the Real World with babies
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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