Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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