Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
