I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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