The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
