So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
