we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
