Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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