its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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