What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize