his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
