It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
