He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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