she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Watching her eat just hurts me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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