the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize