yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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