btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
