sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
