cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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