no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
