my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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