i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Damn victory sex feels great
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
