I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
