Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
